Great Love comes with Great Risk

2007-07-11T20:04:00.000+08:00

it is not my fault,
that my tears won't stop,
flowing down my cheeks,
running down my face.

Can i know the truth,
is the love, still there,
can i have it there,
through it all, i'll bear.

2007-07-02T11:28:00.000+08:00

You give me those words,
you never keep.
You tell me those lies,
that make me weak.
You capture my heart,
and tore it apart.
How can you take, away, my heart.

2007-07-01T13:12:00.000+08:00

hm.. so i got wad i want now... my hall place... a job during this period of time... argh.. seriously wad do i still lack man? hahaa... sometimes i just feel blessed that even tho i dun have the best of the world, god has not really been unfair to me... in certain individuals, i found true frens whom i know will save me when i am dying and who i will risk the world to protect...

well.. maybe in life we just got to be satisfied you know... and nt always looking for comparisons... when will comparisons end? wads the point of living in delusion and lies... accept things for wad they are and work to improve on what u have... at least be glad, u r who u r, and not who u r nt... =D

2007-06-10T09:04:00.001+08:00

It has been an intriguing and strange week for me.. for once i immersed myself in a culture and religion, and astonishingly, the finds to date are what words can never described.

It's been rather long i've been fighting a lone battle on all fronts, including with myself... The battle has worn me out to a point that i felt like giving up.. so many mistakes, so many scars to remind myself of, and at the time when all my hopes were faint and everything seems like a lost cause, i found strength in everyone around me...

I was pulled out from the depths of self-depreciation and taken back into the real world.. thanks so much for everything and everyone.. including You, though i cant seem to see and feel You at the moment, i know someday, you won't leave me alone and lonely, and that You will come and show yourself to me if i want enough...

It has been encouraging knowing people thinks my works are nice... haha! cmon lor.. they are just bullshits nonsense when the emo Lionel takes over... haha! anyway, i've gotten my inspiration for the next song... "One Last Night" it'll be known... shall start my work on it and let this song just bring me back to the real life... This song will depicts what i feel my heart has gone through.. totally no lies... and it shall depict me walking back onto the path and not walk on marsh anymore..

Lalalalalaa....

My buddy has been upset lately and somehow, it affects my mood too... it's saddening to see her carrying the burden alone, and i want to be there to share that load with her... in fact, if can, i want to carry all the load... i know i can do that, i will have no problem with the load, but sometimes, some things are better left sort out by the person him/herself without interference... for that, i will not interfere, but walk beside you, and if u ever stumble from that load, i will be there to hold you back up, and put you straight... you will not walk this path alone... cos on my words, you have my company, on this journey...

And for once, my prayers were answered... i finally heard from her... it has been what i had prayed for daily... on the bus, before i sleep... i will always sneak a fast prayer... that i still want u in my life... not as wad we were before, but a fren... what's once precious, will never not be precious... the place u occupy in my heart, can never be replaced like a lost jigsaw puzzle piece... but sometimes, this puzzle might no longer be your favourite anymore... and u look to other puzzles that can open ur heart further... but this portion of the heart, has been inscribed and pasted with history of you that will never be replaced or removed... say me greedy or wad, i have heard from you, and now i want more, i want your frenship...

wad a long post... haha.. been so long since i find any thoughts in me to write about... hopefully my next song's ideas will come fast and furious.. ahha! =D

NATALIE LYRICS"Love You So"

2007-05-19T13:27:00.000+08:00

NATALIE LYRICS"Love You So"

Ooh Ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh
From the minute that you got my attention
I was taken and I have to mention
I was trying to not let it show
But I knew I wasn't gonna let you go
From the way that you came right to me
Looking all hot with the style that threw me
No one would've ever known it
You would be the one who take this heart and hold it
You got that extraordinary way
Got to be next to ya every single day
You do something that I just can't explain
Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me

Ooh, I love you so
Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah Do you know it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go

I just want you to know
You can san say anything you want to
No stress 'cause I understand you
We got a vibe you can't define
Want everyone know that girl is mine
We won't fight and stop and stare at the way you hold me
You take me there at times I feel I lose control
Forget everyone but the hand I'm holding
You got that extraordinary way
Got to be next to ya every single day

You do something that I just can't explain
Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me
Ooh, I love you so Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah Can you feel it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
I just want you to know

Please know this I'll always be right here
And you don't have to look
Nowhere else babe
Don't think for a minute This love will change

Oh you should know that
Ooh, I love you so
Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah Can you feel it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
I just want you to know
Ooh, I love you so
Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
Yeah Can you feel it
Ooh, I love you so
Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go
I just want you to know
[ www.azlyrics.com ]

2007-05-16T19:16:00.001+08:00

Your most likeable trait: LOYALTY

No one has ever said Cancerians are easy to understand. You may appear gentle, kind, sympathetic, and a patient listener. Then someone asks for advice, and you turn cranky, snappish, and appear to be completely indifferent to anyone's problems but your own. You may wallow in self-pity and complain endlessly about how mistreated you are by the world. Turn another page of the calendar and suddenly you are back being helpful, solicitous, ready to do anything asked of you.

What's your secret? Cancer, which is ruled by the Moon and has water as its element, can be likened to the shifting tides of the oceans. Like the tides, Cancer is the sign of powerful forces moving under the surface. That surface, however, is quite difficult to penetrate, for Cancerians tend to build up an elaborate array of defenses to hide their deep feelings and extremely sensitive.

Complex, fragile, unpredictable, temperamental, the typical Cancerian needs a constant support and encouragement. You want desperately to be loved and approved of but resent needing approval so badly. When you get what you need, you give the best you have in return. Those who make you feel secure command your undying loyalty. When you really care for someone there is nothing anyone can say about that person that will make the least bit of difference. You have a real blind spot when it comes to seeing a failing in those you love.

You tend to be a worrier and a silent brooder. People may pour out their hearts to you, but the flow never goes in the other direction. You guard your secrets well.

If offended, you do not strike back directly. Your method of retaliation is to sulk, and it is often very effective. The technique is somewhat like being whipped to death by a dozen strands of boiled spaghetti.

Cancer's symbol, the crab, has a hard outer shell that protects soft, vulnerable flesh underneath. The same is true of Cancerians, who are often crusty, gruff and grumpy, but possess a proverbial heart of gold. Beneath your tough exterior you are a sentimental softie who will make any sacrifice for someone in need. If someone asks for a favor, your first reaction will probably be no, but the final answer is always yes. You should be judged not by what you say but by what you do.

You are possessive. Anyone who becomes part of your life will never again be entirely free. You try to stay in touch with friends, ex-lovers, former spouses, business associates, persons you knew as children. If you let anyone go out of your life, it is unwillingly and never completely. This reflects your preoccupation with the past. An aura of nostalgia dwells about you; the events and people of bygone years continue to inhabit your memory and usually grow dearer to you as time goes by. You are devoted to family and home and continue to believe in the old fashioned idea that marriage is forever—even if the events in your own life contradict this.

It is hard to deceive you, for you can spot the tiniest nuances of behavior. In fact, you are almost psychic in your intuitions. A photographic memory added to intense powers of observation makes you extremely canny about divining other people's inner motivations.

Cancerians are crab-like in their indirect approach to an intended target. Observe a crab moving on a beach and you will notice its strange sidewise movement toward a goal. People born under the sign of the Crab never take the direct approach. You step to one side, then step to the other side and sometimes go completely around. But you get where you intend to go.

If channeled in the right direction, your enormous sensitivity can be a greta source of strength. Once you overcome your shyness and touchiness and master your turbulent emotions, your intellect and imagination enable you to become a success in almost anything you undertake. Contrary to the impression you often give, you can be shrewd and canny in business. Cautious, conservative in your approach, you possess an antenna that quickly gauges public taste and opinion and senses new trends in the making. This instinct for business combined with imagination is visible in such famous fashion designers as Bill Blass, Oscar de la Renta and Pierre Cardin.

Cancer people hold on to money as tenaciously as they do to everything else that belongs to them. To you money spells security, yet no matter how much wealth you accumulate you never feel really secure. That is true of your emotional security also. A Cancerian never gets enough love and approval, you always need more. it is very easy to fall in love with this loyal, devoted, affectionate, and protective Moon-child.

2007-05-10T09:32:00.000+08:00

Eh!!! what's up with my bloggeR? hahaa... after so long dun tell me my blogger is screwed up??? tsk...

oh well.. finally... an off day... i feel like lethargic lately.. like im gonna work myself to death... haha~! cant wait for my contract to finish so i can slack off for a mth or so...

wads up with this world seriously... haha... sometimes things turn out so bad u cant seem to find a remedy solution for it.. well well, nw i know why everyone is so into developing a time machine... to rights the wrongs we had done... but is that the right way to approach it?

seems like i got the answer inside myself.. i'll nvr look for a time machine.. wad's past is past.. we learn from it.. i learnt alot.. i learn to cherish.. oh well.. i learn to nt be so retarded.. well, a fool before doesnt mean i am one now.. if u're reading, all i want is just a simple frenship whereby i can fall on u for support and u can on me too.. really hope dat you can understand.. i know it's selfish of me to think that way, after hw i've hurt u before... i believe no words can describe hw apologetic i am... maybe someday u'll see, that i will always be dere for u as a fren when u nd someone to hold u up... maybe..

sianzation.. gg to work everyday.. haaa... raised ur hand those who think i look like a stoner/slacker!!! u all ah.. im no slacker ok! haha.. tho i look like one at work, with my small eyes and all.. =PP i am very hardworking one k! haha.. just that after all these times, i learn to just sit back and do things as it is.. why give urself so much headache rite? haaa.. life's too short to be bothered everyday... just cheer up.. and be nonsense like me!!! ok.. im nt 24/7 nonsense... haha.. i can be serious too lor.. no wonder jamie says i am very contradictory.. i just did it again... hahah!

so glad i nvr go js's hse yest.. or else will be another opportunity to get drunk.. must really cut down on it.. Motto!! Quit drinking.. Start slacking.. =PP

One mth plus to end of contract... counting down... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...... ~!@$#@%$%^*&^(*()(

2007-04-17T16:36:00.000+08:00

The reason to smile,
is lost in the midst of unhappiness.
Surrounded by anonymity,
i want to find myself.

Feeling the pain of a heartbreak,
It is silent yet severe.
It does not exist physically,
but plays on your mind incessantly.

To God, be the love,
clear my mind, and all the tears.
Give my heart a stepping stone,
to overcome the pain of being alone.

A Cry from the Heart

2007-03-19T08:30:00.000+08:00

This is a song i am writing for you, my last song, cos i do not have you anymore, and i wish to say this to you, that no matter wad happens, u are always the one i love, and never, can i love another the same way as i have given my heart to you. I hope you will see this entry, and listen to this song, cos as i write it, all i can see, was the happy moments we had, I used to be happy, with you around, but not now, when i'm writing this song. If you could still remember, wad today's date actually mean, this will be my present to you for the month, and I hope you will like it.

I couldn't think of an innovative title for this song, so i shall call it, A Cry from the Heart.

It's still incomplete, I'm not very satisfied with the bridge section, but i will try to finish it off soon.

Slow down, don't walk away,
I've something that i want to say to you.
Close up, no distraction,
I want to hold you in my arms again.
So just let me say this to you.

(Chorus)
Take me to the moon and leave me there,
cause i was hurt,
I was hurt.
I board the bus thinking you're on it,
But i was wrong,
You've alighted,
You've alighted.

Listen, don't shut my voice,
My heart is crying out for you to stay.
Hold it, here's my heart,
I'm sorry for the times i lie to you,
So just let me say this to you.

(Chorus)
Take me to the moon and leave me there,
cause i was hurt,
I was hurt.
I board the bus thinking you're on it,
but i was wrong,
You've alighted

(Bridge)
I saw you walk into the shadows,
I tried to give chase, but i was too late.
All i saw was memories of you and me,
And in front of me, they vanish,
And i'm alone again.

So just,

(Chorus x 2)
Take me to the moon and leave me there,
cause i was hurt,
I was hurt.
I board the bus thinking you're on it,
but i was wrong,
You've alighted

Take me to the moon and leave me there,
cause i was hurt,
I was hurt.
I board the bus thinking you're on it,
but i was wrong,
You've alighted,
You've alighted

2007-02-25T12:29:00.000+08:00

have been going to view ur blog everyday... trying to know what is happening ard u... i miss you...

why was and am i so foolish?

2007-02-23T14:04:00.000+08:00

i won't pretend it's not over... it is... but i still love you...

You deserve much better than me... why can't i just let go....

Do you still remember the memories?

2007-02-22T23:32:00.000+08:00

why can't i seem to forget you?

I have done everything... but i still failed...

I love you... I am willing to give up anything, everything in this world...

I hope u see, that i do not want you back bcos of the past, but bcos of the future... i do not want you back, i wan to go after you.. to let u see that this time round, i've nvr been more true to myself...

2007-01-06T17:57:00.000+08:00

如果说...拥有你是上天对我的宽容~那又何必...开这样的玩笑~当你..找到幸福的哪天..请你不要忘记..有一个人..永远爱着你

saw this as my fren's nick.. super meaningful... hope it means sth to you, and everyone who reads this.. do not ever forget the one that loves you, or once did... cos u will nvr know, that maybe, that person, is still loving you all the same, if not more.... and his heart is never going to be whole again.. no matter how things change, how u change, or how the world changes, the heart that was broken, has stayed that way since the day it became pieces, awaiting the person, who breaks it, to mend it back... bcos others can never mend it to the way it used to be, for only the person who breaks it, knows how it was before it was broken, when it's still whole, and who possessed it...

Love... Sarang hae Yo...

2006-12-25T13:50:00.000+08:00

ah.... mike is pronounced as mee-ker is german... and it's a common name, meaning michelle in our language... so kool!!!! haaa...

Merry Xmas everyone!!! to the guys of 16/03, finally we got to meet up.. tho lotsa pangseh kias as usual... haaa!!! who cares... First time i'm experiencing a different Xmas as i had for the past two years... Kinda feeling strange... A book in my hand, reading it, hoping today pass faster... that's so unlike last time, when i was sad at the end of Xmas... Today i juz cant wait for the minutes and hrs to pass by.. depressing man...

I vow not to be suspicious of the ppl around me anymore... strangers i mean... i see someone.. i will question their intentions at times.. maybe they are juz being frenly.. not trying get sth out of u u see... today onwards, i shall try my best to maintain eye contact and smile at strangers... haaa... especially gers! haaaa... i can nvr do dat man... cmon lionel.. wheres ur balls.. pluck them a=out and put in ur mth man.. speak up! haaa...

2006-12-19T10:17:00.000+08:00

i found myself a hundred reasons to love you...

2006-12-18T08:35:00.000+08:00

Lionel Now = 100% Teddy Bear + 0% Hunk

Start of the wk again... sianz man... well at least this wk will be a 4 day week.. haaa!!! gonna take leave this coming thursday.. whew.. a break man... i sure need one.. Long hair, short hair... Long hair, short hair... should i go cut them? ahaahahah... remember last time whenever im stressed i'll go cut my hair until damn short... maybe its time i do it again... get rid of all things that bothers me... hopefully they'll be gone with the hair...

Sometimes i wonder if what i feel is indeed love.. do i really love you? should i make it known? im far from ur ideal man... but i am who i am... what exactly is an ideal man? Checklist below:

Height is 1.8m = no
Six pecs = no
Humourous = subjective
Rich = no
Nice = Sometimes
Character = no
Romantic = no
Teddy Bear = YES

Quote: Fear of rejection and failures means you'll never know success

2006-12-17T16:22:00.000+08:00

well, looks like more or less i've recovered.. Time to get back to work and get myself sick again.. Haha.. Its neverending.. not until the day i can stop stuffing work in my face... Cant seem to be able to give myself free time.. i muz not..

Equation:
Busy Lionel = Work + Sports + Spending time with Frens and Family = Less foolish thinkings

2006-12-17T16:11:00.000+08:00

This was the song i was referring to, walk away by Paula Deanda.. Damn nice.. Keeps playing it that now its stuck in myhead.. haaaa..
Anyway, Thank you Santa, or God, u make my wish come true.. I know i had not been good this yr.. Im still finding myself.. But i swear, this coming year and the rest of my life, there will be a new Lionel... A Lionel that's more devoted than before, to his love and passion.. A Lionel that's caring to his frens and family.. A Lionel that knows what he wants in life, and A Lionel that works towards what he wants in life.. A Lionel that isn't afraid to fail, A Lionel which is more patient than before.. A Lionel who will share when he can share, even if he's down to his last cent, i will break the cent then give the other half... A Lionel who will not always walk with his head down, but with confidence... A Lionel who will not be brought down easily anymore but strong enough to withstand all tackles in this life... And a Lionel who believes that there will be someone out there who cares for him as much as he cares for her.... And a Lionel who isnt afraid to love, and to give his all once more...

Great love comes with great risk... Only when u've given ur all then will u see if that person is willing to give his all for u too.. If he/she is, den u two are meant for each other.. If not, dry up ur tears and go find someone who will give his/her all as u give urs... Love is not about giving or taking, it's about exchanging... But most imptly, love urself first, cos if u dun, u can nvr expect others to love you.. Remember me...

"Walk Away"

I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me
I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me

You gonna remember me boo
I'm gonna remember you too
I can't forget all the crazy shhh.. we used to do
You was doing to much
I wasn't doing enough
That's what your friends are saying
You got a man anyway
I can't explain it neither
I ain't never wanna leave ya
Hell ya its hard to walk away when I see ya
When I see ya I remember the day
You put your shoes on and moved on
Before I could say

I saw you with your new girl just yesterday
And I feel that I must confess
Even though it kills me to have to say
I'll admit that I was impressed
Physically just short of perfection
Gotta commend you on your selection
Though I know I shouldn't be concerned
In the back of my mind
I can't help but question
Does she rub your feet
When you've had a long day
Scratch your scalp
When you take out your braids
Does she know that you like too
Play PS2 till 6 in the morning
Like I do

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
And even though we've moved on
It gets so hard to walk away
(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)
Walk Away, Walk Away
(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)

I can't forget how we used to be
Our life from day to day
Hoping maybe you'll come back
And though I tell myself not to be afraid
To move on but it seems I can't
Though a new man has given me attention
It ain't the same as your affection
Though I know I should be content
In the back of my mind
I can't help but question
Does he kiss me on the forehead
Before we play
Show up on my doorstep
(with a bouquet)
Does he call me in the middle of the day
Just to say hey baby I love you
Like you used to

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
And even though we've moved on
It gets so hard to walk away
(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)
Walk Away, Walk Away
(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)

I'm Gonna Remember You
Your Gonna Remember Me
The things we did
The way we shared our fantasies
Just you and me
My friend, my love, my family
How did we loose a love that seemed meant to be
Sometimes I kiss her and wish that it was you I'm kissing
Sometimes I miss him and wish that it was you I'm missing
Sometimes I hug her and wish that it was you I was hugging
And I realize how much I'm bugging
I miss you

Walk Away, Walk Away

(I'm Gonna Remember You
Your Gonna Remember Me)

So hard to express this feeling
Cause nobody compares to you
And you know she'll never love you like I do

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
And even though we've moved on
It gets so hard to walk away

(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)

Walk Away, Walk Away

Remember You

(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)

(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)

2006-12-16T16:09:00.000+08:00

"So Sick"

Mmmm mmm yeah
Do do do do do do do-do
Ohh Yeah

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger than this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked April 19th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
I'm letting go
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin' you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?

2006-12-15T08:57:00.000+08:00

ah... now i know the song i heard..

Paula Deanda - Walk Away

Go have a listen... it's nice... Nothing else beats that song in reflecting my thoughts...

2006-12-12T08:26:00.000+08:00

haven't exactly been the best of year for me... as the year comes to the end, i feel like this has been one of my worst year in my whole life...

Tasted heartbreak for the first time.. for once i saw how fragile love and frenship actually is... true love isnt all that great, its actually easily breakable.. but maybe that isnt true love after all.. this year also comes with many firsts... including today, this will be the 5th time this yr i'm falling sick.. never once have i fallen sick so many times.. funnily, all 5 times are at the second half of the year... wonder if it's due to me not having slept earlier than 12 ever since 6 mths ago... cant help it.. everytime i lie on my bed, i will not slp...

This year i also learnt how fragile a human body is... was hit in the eye... went blind for the first time in my entire life, and its the first time i finally realise how much i've taken my body for granted.. not giving it its rest all these while thinking im strong enuf to take on anything.. recently been feeling so weak but wad can i do? im still hanging on at work.. mentally i've also been pushed to the limit.. somehow i feel my mind and body has been exhausted beyond its means... i'm somehow trying to push myself to my limits... so dat i can be kept busy... sigh...

christmas wish:
just wished that i can have a xmas dinner with you.. at least if its gonna be the last, it'll be a nice parting.. better than the abrupt way all things end.. funny how things seem to be turned opposite in its roles.... rem how i told you not to contact me and now its the other way round.. 3 mths and still counting.. what a joke i've been to myself.. sick but still working... i dun wanna stay home.. it'll kill me faster than my sickness.. God... even if u want to make a joke out of me, take pity in me... take my body and soul, but leave my heart intact.. there's not much left of it for you to take anyway...

2006-12-10T17:37:00.000+08:00

Wa.. another sunday come and go.. haaa.. ever since i turn single sundays have been like a routine to me.. today was a total shag-out day man.. all thks to the unrelenting weather of singapore.. tmr is work again!!! shit man.. if nt for the ppl i could've killed myself le.. haaa!

haha.. went for soccer this morning.. and then more soccer and then prata! haaa... stupid gang, all not free to play soccer so went down myself and join the daddy's army.. wahaaa!!! damn shagged!! cos we played 5v4... then i was in the four... haaa.. but nt bad, scored a couple of goal.. well, dint exactly play well cos i think im coming down with sth again.. sigh.. my nose has been giving me problem lately... sucks.. wonder if sth is wrong.. ren hao advised me go see doctor.. maybe i shud.. cant even breathe properly.. sianz..

i ate so much la.. i tink the guy muz be thinking i've starved for daays... haaa!!! one plain prata, one egg and a mutton murtabuk!!! followed by dim sums once kandy came.. haaa!!! and yet im still nt full.. downed it all with teh chino.. whew.. so damn bloddy sweet.. haaa!! dat completes my lunch.. :P

Supposed to go MOS yesterday one.. stupid js tell me got free tix.. haaa! had wanted to go down and drink.. feelin troubled lately.. luckily got js to talk to.. but in the end the queue was so horrendous, all the way to liang court, that we instead went to The Bungy's Bar... nice place! haaa... got two jugs of beer and sit there talk cock and watch man u's match.. man u won adn we're 9 pts clear!!! got this damn cute waitress... too bad.. usual humji me dun dare talk to her.. tho joanne sorta create the chance for me.. haa!! oh well.. who cares.. im not interested.. haaa!! i am GAY!!! :P slept in the cab home and js had to yell at me den i woke up.. feelin the effect of the hangover this morn.. haaa!! oh well.. why am i drinking again.. dun understand.. doesnt even taste good..

Girls come and go but not frens.. are u sure abt this? sigh... haaa... so many things i've done in this life that i regret so much.. have been playing these tots in my head every night i pray.. God wont u gimme a chance? i just wan to show my worth... just want to redeem for the things i've done.. just want to love again.. but i dun have the courage to do it.. dun even dare to msg.. scared of rejection.. heard this in a song.. how can my heart be broken, when it's never whole in the first place... so meaningful..

2006-12-07T22:14:00.000+08:00

love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you

2006-12-04T23:26:00.000+08:00

My comp is lagging!!!! ~!@#@!#@$#%#$^$%^%$&^&

haaaa... hate it man.. so slow.. stupid comp... anyway life has changed so much ever since that walk i took 2 am in the morning... haaa... sorta told myself to pick myself up, dust away the dirts on me, and carry on thru this life... haaa! this life that's all about struggling ur way thru every test and obstacles in your path, and finally emerging smelling fresh and victorious..

well been lying in the pits for ages... time to get wad i wan, and to work towards wad i wan... finally my tots are all clear, and i can see wad i picture myself to be doing for the next 5 yrs... first yr hall, second yr work and travel and foreign exchange, third yr chiong for honours, and fourth yr working for first class, and fifth yr going silicon valley for internships!!! haa!!! i can predict myself having fun and all... three targets, fit, nice and rich!!! woohooo!!!! time to earn money... the 10k's!!!! 10k of money before going uni, 10 km every other days of jogging, 10 sets of 10 push ups everyday, and 200 sit ups every night... hee!!! gonna revert back to my old self, i swear to god i'll help everyone that needs my help and not overlook their existence... I'll cherish all my frens that come my way, never ignore their presence... and i will love my family forever, even till death i will protect them...

Job sucks... haaa!!! and i mean the job.. not the people in it... haaa... my colleagues are all one hell bunch of farnie guys and gal... haaa!!! there's my boss, jeremy, the 'shen', andy, my 'shifu' osman, 'fat' garfield, damian aka james bond, stephen 'loves priya' and kaylen the model! woah!!! and now comes, anthony the gay, and the two lil kids yan ren and alex.. haaa!!! to think we only started with 5 ppl in the rm only joking ard when i first start! haaaa... now the secret chamber can be renamed as the laughing chamber le!! hee... and the ppl are great... shortie rebecca, and wilfie and minghui and all!!1 haaaa.... great bunch of ppl... still rem the day i had this bloody caller trying to play punk with me, obviously lying to get sth, so i asked him who he spoke to and he told me he spoke to a lady.. totally ridicule him when i told him there's no ladies working here, cos kaylen hasnt started work yet... haaa!!! told andy i wanted take half day to go find him and get him off the phone... haaa!!! farnie man... anyway everyone tot im gay!!! haaa... kaylen believes me when i told her i am gay.. wad a joke... i love girls too much man!!! :P

Anyway, hope u r doing great... haaa.. really hope that someday u will contact me.. i wont ever wanna lose a fren like u in my life u know... i know u gonna read this.. maybe not.. but oh well.. haaa!!! no harm typing a few sentences... glad to see that u've changed so much.. the u last time doesnt seem half as mature as the u now... u've grown up and im glad for you.. contact me when u r ready, for i'm now ready..

Prayer to God:

God i know u're listening here. i do not see ur presence before, but now i do. i pray to you to enlighten me, and to give me the wisdom to see the rights from the wrongs. i pray to you to forgive my sins, to forgive the sins of my friends. i pray that all my frens will do well for their exam, and that those whose health is failing them will have good health for the rest of their life. i pray for my frens to be blessed, to have things going smooothly in their life. whats most impt is that i pray for u to enlighten them like u enlighten me, to let them have the courage to accept that life is not going to be easy and the determination to face the obstacles that comes along. Let them feel your presence, like u let me feel yours. I thank you for being my guidance, to bring me to my senses and back to the path i should take. God bless all those that need you with them.
Amen.

2006-11-27T08:46:00.002+08:00

i saw you with your new guy yesterday,
on the streets you two were walking hand in hand.
he isn't the most perfect guy in the world,
but he can make you smile, when it really matters.
that sparkle in your eyes as u look in his,
that smile on your face as he cracks a joke,
reminds me of the time when i'm in his position,
and your love was all that kept me going.
His privilege as you show him your attention,
shower him with all of your affection,
i couldnt help it but question

Does he bring you beefsticks when you crave for it,
does he travel distances just to catch a glimpse of you?
Does he stroke your hair the way i caresses yours,
when i have you in my arms whole day long.
Does he grab your hand the way i did,
pull you through crowds and obstacles in this life.
Does he kiss you with the passion,
that there's nothing else that delights him more than knowing you're his?

2006-11-27T08:46:00.000+08:00

Coming soon:

Inspiration for a new song when i hear the radio this morning...

2006-11-26T13:26:00.000+08:00

will you not ignore me please? dont i even get a chance to show u i mean my words?

2006-11-26T13:17:00.000+08:00

I'm waiting to be there for you _when will u see that my love for u is second to none_

2006-11-24T09:53:00.000+08:00

Want to be the person i used to be....

Love is unselfish... it is not self-seeking...

Happy when u r happy...

I need you in my life...

2006-11-23T08:49:00.000+08:00

Morals vs Love

If you find that things are't right, move on...

My last gift to you, letting go...

2006-11-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

I'll relent... i will... u dun love me anymore... U've done it... I'm totally into the deepest end of the pit.. I hope he'll cherish you.. I'll relent... wad's the point? u dun love me anymore... and i dun have anymore love in me to count on, to rely on... i'm down... i'll relent...

i love you, i really do love you.. please believe me.. even as i relent.. i cant take it.. the depression is killing me.. so much dat sometimes i wonder if i fall into a coma will u visit me... i need to pick myself up.. but i'll forever love you.. please say that u believe me.. even if this feeling isnt going to be reciprocated.. i'll love you.. but i'll relent.. to see u happy.. to see u smile.. i'll relent..

2006-11-19T20:48:00.000+08:00

1 Corinthians 13:4

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

2006-11-19T16:28:00.000+08:00

i'm waiting, to be there for you.

2006-11-19T13:34:00.000+08:00

if he is able to treat you better than i am, i'll relent..
if he can give you what i cannot give, i'll relent..
if he is puts you on top over everything, i'll relent..
if he can take ur hand, and pull u thru all obstacles, i'll relent..
if his heart to you is more than mine, i'll relent..
if he can make u happier than i can, i'll relent..
if your love for him is over anything else, i'll relent..

i love you... no matter how long it takes for u to realise that, i'll wait.. be it till the end of the world, or the end of my world, i'll wait.... cos true love only come this once, and i do not wan to let go...

2006-11-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

This card symbolizes patience and self-discipline. Right now, in your present, your patience is being tested.

this was a reading i got from a tarot card prediction.. it said 80% of people find the prediction accurate.. i guess i'm part of the 80% rite now...

2006-11-16T20:11:00.000+08:00

i was foolish to let you go... and now i finally know... dat my life is nth without you in it...

i will do anything for you, till the end of my life, even if it means waiting till the day i die, i'll love no other... my heart's with you.. take it, or throw it away.. it's ur choice..

there's no love greater than loving the one u love, and being loved by the one you love.. rite now i have half of it.. the other half is no where to be seen..

the saddest love is loving the one you love, yet seeing the one you loved love some other...

i made a mistake, yet i cant redeem myself for it... i wan a chance.. to love again..

why did i tell you to go, when my heart screams for u to stay.. why did i let the tear drop, when my hand wants so much to hold it there.. why did i let u leave my arms, when all i want is to hold u tight..

why did i let you go when i had the chance to not let you go? why dint i see that my heart will forever be with you, yet i chose to take this path? i will love you.. till i die.. till i leave this world... i'll love you... come back to me... please... u're all i need...

2006-11-11T16:00:00.000+08:00

been so long since i last blog.. sad sad day today for me.. i really think god is getting fun from making a fool out of me.. work sucks.. rain whole day.. stuck at home.. cut the pretence lionel.. wad de hell are you doing? u love her so much, yet u r sitting in ur rm typing into this stupid blog cos u do nt know hw to say it! u love her so much, yet all u can do is receive msg of her telling u shes taking care of someone else! hw i miss those times when i was sick and u were taking care of me.. hw lonely i felt in this world.. why is it that when ppl make mistakes, they can make amendments to it, but when i make my first mistake, it all juz go downhill? why is it that the first time i let u go is also the last time im going to let u go? i cant accept this reality.. this reality that u're with someone else.. this reality that the person i love is loving someone else.. bullshit with this world.. seriously.. this world is crap.. god is crap.. there's no such being.. am i even a fren to you? i dun tink so.. maybe i shud juz have u totally out of my life.. i cant bear the thoughts of u with someone else.. it hurts like nth u'll ever know.. every nite i cry myself to slp.. for the last 2 mth.. dats all i do at nite.. it hurts so bad.. i drown myself in my screams.. screams for help.. someone save me.. please.. please.. please..

2006-11-05T21:27:00.000+08:00

i was too late wasn't i? it's all too late in the end...

no success comes without failures... i've failed once.. and im not gonna let myself fail again.. no more..

2006-11-04T21:06:00.000+08:00

I just realised sth in my life... No matter hw bad sth is, take it with a smile or a laugh.. the worst the thing, the louder i shud laugh... this shall be hw i am from now on.. i wan to be happy.. so im working towards dat... i wan to love again.. but that's sth i dunno hw to work towards.. sigh.. feel so emotionally vulnerable.. i think i will nvr get killed by real bullets, but by arrows to the heart... sigh... why am i like dis?

whui, pls do take care of urself.. ur sickness sounds quite serious.. pls la, sick le muz rest early la.. drink more water.. dun make me worried for u always can not? sigh... drank again.. i need more drinks... bring me out of reality.. im unwell...

2006-11-04T00:05:00.000+08:00

sincerely wish u recover fast.. candy reminded me, dat u're in gd hands, and that sorta wakes me up.. that im no longer with you... and why am i still caring so much... anyway, yes, i did google it like u told me.. i dunno whether u're implying anything.. its glandular fever, but its also known as the kissing disease... i cant bring myself to picture that.. maybe i had a tad too much to drink juz nw.. im nt thinking clearly.. im frustrated.. im irritated.. i do nt know myself.. the self i am seeing as a reflection.. hope that alvin is taking gd care of you.. tucking u into bed and bringing u honey lemon to soothe ur throat.. take gd care of urself..

sometimes i ask, can i give u happiness like i used to give you.. and the answer i have, is that i can and willing to give so much more than before.. but it takes two hands to clap.. i can give everything i have, until im totally empty.. im willing.. but if u're nt, den there's no pt.. but im still waiting.. sometimes i do nt know why myself.. but im juz waiting.. cos im hoping, and humans live on hope, dat one day, maybe, god will grAnt me my wish.. my only wish... you...

2006-11-02T19:17:00.000+08:00

i never expect your heart to lean towards me,
but at least, dun push me away.
i'll be hurt if u push me away.
juz let it be wad we hoped for,
for the two of us to be best of frens.
cos rite nw, i juz wan to be dere for u when u want to.
and i'll wait...
for the day your heart to lean towards me.

whui if u're looking.. i sincerely wants to be ur fren.. and if u mean wad u said, dat u hope for the two of us to be the best of frens, den show me dat u mean it and really treat me like one.. i will be here whenever u nd me.. by ur side.. i wan to share ur woes, but u can have all the joy.. like u always used to say, wads mine is urs and wads urs is urs as well.. i wan to see u happy.. dats my wish.. lemme be dere for you.. grant my wish will you?

2006-11-01T19:10:00.000+08:00

i will hug you one last time,
kiss your lips and form a rhyme.
hold your hands so tight in mine,
never let you go this time.

heal my broken heart will you?
take my hands and make it through.
in this life i long for you,
my heart's dere always for you.

i've a scar i can talk about.
a broken heart, dats wad it's about.
i will never love again,
my life never felt so bent.

2006-11-01T08:00:00.000+08:00

Went for breakfast with my parents today.. den was telling my dad hw fast this two yrs have been... that i can still rem the first day i went in to tekong.. and he said yar... we had dim sum at fortune restaurant den he sent whui to bugis then we went to tekong.. and den, a pause, and he said, he kinda miss whui.. i looked at him, and i told him, u're nt alone.. den silence.. sigh... wad de hell.. dis really sucks...

2006-10-31T19:52:00.000+08:00

So long as i can make you smile, I'll always be by your side...

Single but emotionally attached... Love is a mystery... How can we love someone who doesn't love us? How can we learn to forget when everything around you juz remind urself of her? How?

2006-10-30T20:00:00.000+08:00

Depressed because of missing you too much and over anything else...

2006-10-28T09:49:00.000+08:00

haaa~! i got my first job le! starting on the 8th, straight after i ord.. haaa.. i requested for that.. dun feel like slacking at home, cos i know i will think alot when i slack at home.. abt alot of stuff... oh well.. haaa.. the person kinda interested to have me.. perhaps they r shorthanded... but when i was considering which dept i shud join, he told me if i join ericsson he will up my pay.. wahaaa!!! nt bad ah... my second interview dint go too bad (first was the tuition one as i mentioned), there were three ppl and they ask me talk abt myself... then i rem wee bro telling me to muz praise myself by saying i was capt and everything, so i did.. felt weird saying those stuff.. haaa!! but still, made it thru... haaa! so nw i am employed and better paid than in the army!!! woohoo!! shant tell u all my salary, in case everyone starts asking me to treat them.. haaa.. got afew ppl in mind and decided to treat le, got my bro-sis pigging-out-buddy vickie, got my forever bro sam, my teacher-mentor bro, wen shih, got the irresistible jianning, my slimming buddy zhangpei, my thru-all-odds bros junsong and jinghow and michael, my forever-there-for-me brother-cum-besties-soccer-kakis xianghui and nathan and weixin and weilin and chongtiang, my fake 'laopo' dawn, and of cos, you, my one and only, and best fren, and everything more for the last 2.5 yrs, wonghui... if u r still willing to go out and meet me.. =) wa! seem like alot of ppl rite? so u all dun qiao me ah... everyone eat chicken rice, 3 dollars can le.. haaa!!! my pay nt alot lor.. its quite pathetic actually.. haaa!!! to all those who stood by me as well and i left out ur name, i apologise beforehand.. haaa! is dere anyone i left out? hmm... hopefully nt... haaaa... really la.. dint mean to leave u out if i did... juz sms me ok? haaa!!! yay!!! im employed!!! wohoo!!! haaaa...

2006-10-27T08:39:00.000+08:00

this is so funny.. i tried the myheritage.com to see wad celebrity face i have, and guess wad!!! i look like eddie murphy!!!! haaa... 70% likeness.. haaa!!! nt bad la.. at least i hope my humour adds up to his.. haaa... i've so many frens who look like celebrities lor... like i got ou xuan fren.. ahaaaa... and i'm beginning to think that yuying looks like the suzzanne jung from channel newsasia... dun ask me why.. they juz look kinda alike.. haaaa.. and ppl also say that i look like hong jinbao!! u know, the fatty with kungfu in the show martial law... haaaa... so funny... wonder which other celebrity look-alike fren i have... cant seem to recall nw.. oh well.. haaaa... got an interview coming up later.. for some customer service officer job... nt very glamourous tho... but its still a job and it'll feed me for the next six mths before sch starts! haaa.. so i shall take it.. oh.. went for the tuition interview too!!! the boss is very nice.. i tot its some informal meeting but in the end i've two ppl sitting opposite me at the table askin me qns.. haaa.. so funny... but well, she seems interested to have me and offered to lemme start with primary-sec 2 classes... i dun mind.. in fact if she had given me more than that i would've been so afraid to fail.. hope i still have the intellect of a sec 2 after 2 yrs of army.. aaaa... army is supposed to make ur intellect lvl go down to pre-sch lor... haaa... speaking abt it~! 8 more days to ORD!!! to all NSF have fun man!! ur day will come soon!!! these 8 days i shall resolve nt to do anything wrong, so i wont be send to DB and den my ORD date will not be extended.. haaaa... oh well.. Life sucks.. haaa... It's gonna be the end of another chapter soon.. wonder hw many more chapters have to be written.. ur chapter has closed with me.. perhaps one day we could write another chapter together.. perhaps nt.. i shall see wd the future has in hold for me.. rite nw, i juz wan to love someone.. i will give all my heart... and to love none others but myself first.. if i dun even love myself hw do i expect ppl to love me rite? gaaaa.. these words are for u too my fake 'laopo'!! rem, cherish urself more than u cherish others.. cos in this world, we're born to be selfish.. if u cant take care of urself, dun even think of taking care of others.. =) Good day!!

2006-10-26T14:12:00.000+08:00

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didnt know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I`d ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I`ve never felt.
The feeling that I'm feeling now
That I don't hear your voice
Or have you touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Or what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here

Cause baby
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There aint nobody better
Ohh baby, baby
We belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Sing to me
'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface

I only think of you
As breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
Throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby

When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Ohh baby, baby
We belong together

[Bridge]

Ohh , Baby , Baby
We Belong together baby
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
Cause we belong together
Who am i going to lean on
When times get rough
Who's going to talk to me
Til the sun comes up
Who's going to take your place
There ain't nobody better
Ohh baby, baby
We belong together

2006-10-25T17:56:00.000+08:00

thanks bros.. im trying everyday to forget things... i've decided, i'm gg to throw away the stuff.. im nt gonna keep them anymore cos i know i will always be tempted to go take them out and see them.. i really cant bear to throw them away.. but i have no choice.. all the best to you.. i still love you..

and pls dun make me sound so bad.. i know wad im gonna say is gonna sound very strange, but its really hw i feel.. when i say i'll be waiting for u, it doesnt mean im hoping to see u and alvin break up.. i do nt.. and im nt lying here.. i juz wan to wait.. cos i do nt see anyone else who can share the same status as u within me.. but cherish alvin.. if hes the one, den love him with everything, n not juz like him.. i know i've done u wrong, but so have u to me.. lets say we're even.. if fate allows, i still wan a future with you.. perhaps u dun see it nw.. i cant too frankly.. but deep inside, u'll always be the one.. i love you..

2006-10-22T11:10:00.000+08:00

Haha.. for moments i cant seem to remember wad i wan to say.. though i've been thinking abt it for quite some time.. muz be the effect of the alcohol last nite.. yup, went MOS... kena saboh by my beloved pal.. haaa.. sick lor.. supposed to cant go one lehz.. but den huh.. no choice.. hahaaa.. Anyway was Andy's 'Birthday' celebration, but nt his birthday yet.. haaa.. buddy ma.. no choice.. gotta go in the end.. muz shang lian.. haaa!!! anyway, tot i wasnt going to drink, but when i reach there, sigh, i juz reach for the drinks and start drinking.. Sam asked why i drink so much.. dint really know also.. juz dat feeling very down.. and somehow alcohol juz makes me forget them temporarily.. so juz drink.. funnily, after so long of nt drinking, i tot i might get drunk/high after one or two glasses but no, nt even high after the fifth one.. maybe cos inside im so down i cant even get high anymore.. anyway, met one old fren who forgot abt me there.. haaa. she was there cos her fren was invited by andy to go and she somehow know andy too so go also lor.. really fate man.. initially i dint wanna go also lor, but kena saboh, and go.. so get to meet her and resume contact.. haaa.. nt bad la..

anyway, wanna write abt this thought i have in my mind.. thank you wonghui.. realised first time i wrote down ur name.. i really love u alot.. still.. forever.. and loving you makes me open my mind and heart to many things.. these period of time juz makes me feel more for you, no matter hw hard i try to move on, apparently the effect is the opposite.. losing you makes me learn to cherish the things which i have nw.. which i dint use to... one word for all who read this.. really cherish wad u have nw and appreciate them.. but dun juz stop there.. tell those things, or ppl how much they mean to you everyday every moment, and how much u appreciate their presence, cos u wont know when these precious things/people will be gone.. i've lost mine.. and now i grasp the meaning of the phrase 'people only learn to treasure when they lose it'... i treasure u so much that i wan to have another chance with you.. to work things out.. to love you once more.. and to tell u everyday u're the world to me.. i really do feel all these.. empty thoughts.. i can think.. but all these are thoughts.. they nvr materialised.. like my dreams.. i love you... love you... love you...

2006-10-21T20:15:00.000+08:00

So many things i wanna write down today.. well, i shall begin by writing abt myself..

wad abt myself? sigh... juz feel dat i seem to have changed alot.. wad happen to the happy-go-lucky me? sometimes i can see all those changes in me, and i feel guilty for it.. i dun understand why i changed this way after the breakup.. i juz dun.. maybe cos i see nth gd left in this world which i used to have u to look forward to? today as i was taking the lift down to my soccer game, i exit and saw my neighbour carrying large bags.. mind you, she's already a senior citizen.. last time i would immediately go over and offer my help, but today, i juz waved to her and walked away to the bus-stop.. but halfway i stopped.. i really did.. i stood dere for like minutes, thinking of wad i had juz done.. and i juz stoned there.. i cant believe dat i've changed in this manner.. dat's so unlike me.. why??? and nw when i see ppl selling tissue, i will walk away and den for the next few min i will be thinking why dint i buy from the person? i really dunno me anymore.. i dun wan myself to change this way.. i wan the old lionel back.. sigh... i resolved to have the old self back.. i will do it.. from nw.. this moment.. and its nt for ur sake.. im doing it for mine.. sigh...

anyway went for the soccer game still.. guess wad.. bad game for me today.. totally sucks.. scored own goal and injured myself.. hurt my balls and eye man.. yes! i got hit in the eye again! and i was so freaked out, especially after that major incident when i went blind, im super sensitive to anything that comes near my eyes.. the doc even told me that my rite eye couldnt risk another impact, or else theres a high possibility of going blind.. so when i was hit, i was literally freaked out.. cos momentarily i could see shadows at the bottom and in the middle of my eyes.. even as i type this, i can still see and feel the swell at my left eye.. luckily its nth much, and thank god, the ball dint hit my rite eye.. which is the precious one..

went jogging juz nw after soccer.. damn shagged.. ate bananas and 100 plus to try and rejuvenate myself but dint really work so well.. haha.. but manage to run quite far.. had wanted to run the same route as that day when i went jogging with yy but apparently my fren was tired, and seriously, i am too.. haaa.. so we stopped at the prata place there and walked back all the way.. took me one half hr man.. damn long.. anyway talked alot during the jog.. seriously my gd pal and i share the same fate sia.. haaa.. we both are lonely man longing for the one we love who's in love and with someone else... so sad.. funny thing is everytime one of us is down, the other will be ok to talk to him.. second resolution, i will cherish all my good pals man! u all are my bros!!! and of cos, nt forgetting u my only female buddy!! haaaa..

played mahjong last nite... lost two bucks.. whew.. at one moment was like losing near to thirty.. haaaa... but im too skilled to lose so much!!! =PPPP miss those days when u'll be snatching my place to play mahjong.. if only u'll come back, i'll let u play as much as u wan and i'll juz be the good bf and sit behind and watch u play and massage ur back, and get u drinks and food.. haaa.. imaginations.. hw i wish... oh well.. anyway, really kinda addicted to it man.. mahjong is so fun.. and its intellectual.. nd so much thinking and re-thinkings.. haaa.. cant wait for the next game.. hand itching.. haaaa....

to all uni pals, relax man!!! know ur exams are coming, but why stress over something so material? hahaaa.. its only a piece of ppr!!! haaa.. maybe next yr i wont say the same thing anymore.. =PPP but sure muz learn to appreciate life, cos u living means u're already the best among all ur bros and sisters, dats why u reach the egg first and poke thru it and voila, you appear! rite!!! so believe in urself!!! u all can make it thru with excellent results!!!! haa!!

Love you still.. missing you more than anything... dreaming of you every night... yearning for u every moment...

2006-10-20T08:43:00.000+08:00

Even if we cant be together, i know i want the both of us to be the bestest of best frens.. cos we knew too much of each other to let it all pass us by.. and bcos we still wan to be there to care for each other.. bcos we both mean so much to each other we will and can support the sky when it falls on either of us.. and most imptly, bcos we both wan to...

I know u've been avoiding me.. maybe u've blocked me in ur msn.. i do nt know.. but i seem to be losing contact with u gradually with each passin day.. i do nt wan to forget u.. cos forever u'll play a big part in my life.. be it u'll be there as a best fren, or as a girlfren, i wan u dere dat i know.. cos my life cannot do without you, after it has been living on ur love for two yrs.. it juz cant..

2006-10-19T08:32:00.000+08:00

Your love will remain etched deep in my heart forever...

Next time you fall in love,
it better be with me,
the way it used to be.
Back then, was when,
we touched the starlight.

...Moving on....

2006-10-17T08:24:00.000+08:00

dat's it.. as the title says.. i shud be moving on.. to love or to be loved? which will u choose? i dun have anyone loving me.. and to me, loving someone is juz so hard.. lost my faith.. lost my belief.. it was put with you under unconditional terms and unlimited period the day i first said i love you.. and now u're gone, i've lost it with you.. dun give it back.. cos i still wan to love you.. but its getting tiring.. its draining me of my energy everyday.. i cant look back.. the past hurts and pleases at the same time.. i cant look forward.. cos i see u loving someone else.. i prefer to stay in the present.. cos the present is like a sanctuary to my heart.. it doesn't hurt.. and i hope time stays this way.. lemme live in the pleasures of my present and ignore the prospects of the future..

graveyard of my heart.. lost my inspiration to write that.. ur love is in it.. my heart is like a jigsaw puzzle, and u have the last missing piece.. guess the puzzle will nvr be completed... who knows wad the wind of time will blow along? but rite nw i'm shielding myself from this hurricane that's assaulting both my mental and emotional state.. i stare in the mirror and sometimes i wonder why i make myself so pathetic.. is it me i'm seeing? i chose this path so i shudnt be regretting it.. takes two hands to clap.. sorry if i ever sounded like im putting the blame on u for the failure of our love to develop further.. both of us were at fault for nt being able to bring our love to a greater, stronger ground where we juz nd to look at each other for the next inspiration, for the next smile, for the next beacon of hope, and for the strength to pull thru every obstacles life has in store for us..

Loving someone means giving unconditional time, dat i didnt give, unconditional commitment, dat i didnt give as well, and unconditional space, which i didnt give as well... but i love you.. and dats all dat used to matter.. Girlfriend? u were more than that.. u were my buddy, my laopo, my bubu, my everything! calling u my girlfriend doesnt even signify hw impt u meant to me.. but nw i cant even bring myself to call u a fren.. wad a joke these few mths of life has played on me.. i feel like a clown.. i am a clown.. i nvr take things seriously, and i admit, i do take u for granted at times.. but nvr for long.. i cherish u and always will.. i love you and always i will.. i pray for you and always i will.. i care for you and always i will.. i'll be there for you, and this u know, i always will..

So if ever u find that things are going wrong, and nth is going ur way, take a break, take two steps back, and u will find me standing side by side with you, and i will hold ur hands, and pull you along, and pull you back on the track with me.. den i will let go, and let u carry on, and i will fall two steps behind again, and watch ur back as u moved on...

I'm still missing you..

2006-10-16T13:37:00.000+08:00

yes im still missing you... cant believe after 5 mths, im still feelin this way.. sigh.. Picture this, we are alking away from each other, then u turn back while i cont walking away.. disappointed, u turn away and walk and then i turned back and look at you, hoping to see u turn back.. familiar? it's really like some movie shows.. but rite nw, it's really happening.. but the diff is, in shows they will eventually get together, but judging from wad has happened, things doesn't seem to be the same...
sigh... i dunno wad to say... im still holding hopes, hopes dat one day we can still get together, and wad a shithead i am for thinking like dis rite? but i really cant juz be ur frens.. im sorrie.. dis is sth i cant do.. its so hard.. i see ppl taking yrs to really forget someone else.. i think i am those.. i love you and am still loving you.. hw do u make someone stop loving another? its like the world's toughest task to do..

2006-10-12T22:51:00.000+08:00

good, dat's the way.. hate me pls.. so dat i know there's really no turning back.. u dun understand hw badly my mind is contradicting my heart rite nw.. and i know its time to move on.. Hate me all u wan.. detest me.. i dun care anymore.. u do nt know hw much u've been stabbing at my heart all these while.. maybe u really do nt know.. all those blaming of me for this failed relationship, and telling me that u've waited three mths before deciding to move on.. and one mth later, u got urself someone new.. maybe if i had asked u to patch back at the third mth u would've told me u waited two mths.. i do nt know.. but it doesnt matter much anyway.. nth matters anymore.. ever since u told me u dun love me.. thks for saying dat! i wish u all the best.. nw juz go away.. please..

2006-10-12T17:36:00.000+08:00

i am going crazy.. juz lemme be crazy in this post.. i shall nvr do this ever again.. i am losing my sanity.. and in this post i will.. i cant take it anymore.. i dunno if i shud cry, or i shud get angry..

I've ascertained that, in relation to my last post.. u do not love me anymore.. dat's amazing u know? hw one can be with someone else whom u knew for a mth.. i guess fate does play a big part in everyone's life.. looks like the fate we had will end here, the day u told me straight in the face "I DUN LOVE YOU' anymore.. i guess no matter hw much i still love you, it all doesnt matter again.. cos rite nw, u have juz discard me away from ur heart and ur life.. cos our two yrs doesnt seem to matter anymore, and dat to you, dat two yrs are juz distant memories.. i dun nd u in my life.. u know why i told u to go away? its bcos i cant see u as a fren here.. my feelings will nvr change.. and u know u can nvr treat me juz like a fren.. cos im nt.. so stop pretending to be so nice, dat u hope dat we can still be frens.. do u know if i really agree to that hw sad i'll feel? u do nt.. cos u'll be basking in ur newfound love, and to me, i'll be like a wall.. lemme be the bad guy here and say this, we cant be frens! and we'll nvr be.. i dun think so.. bcos i cant take it.. call me immature.. call me childish.. whatever.. i cannot take it anymore.. ever since we broke up, u've been the good person smelling of roses, while i get all the shits.. i'm being labelled as the bad one, me gg after yy after we broke up, while u were waiting all along.. and as u wait, u too went out with guys, and as u say, was interested in someone else.. yet everyone can only see that i was the one who spoil everything, who left this relationship.. do nt forget hw we first broke-up.. i did nt initiate it.. u were the one who told me to get lost and away.. i was the one who did nt wan to patch back.. when u said u were sorry and u wan to make it up, i wanted to see hw sorry u were.. i guess u felt that 3 mths is enuf.. do u really think so? for all that shit i went thru u waited 3 mths and u felt u've done all that u could?

i've seen it all nw.. juz go away.. u werent sincere in ur sorries.. nvr once u were, cos everytime u said sorry and u said u will change during our two yrs, u will simply get back to ur old ways.. u nvr were wrong.. i'm the one always in the wrong as u always say.. and nw, i am still in the wrong.. still rem hw u told me the first yr of being together u dint really love me? u were juz getting back at me? i'll nvr forget that day u told me dat.. i couldnt believe dat coming from you.. and nw i couldnt believe all these are happening.. im still living in my dream.. so get out of my dream nw.. i want to carry on in this slp.. forever.. cos i cant face reality..

u keep saying u wan to keep me as frens cos our two yrs deserve us to at least remain contact as fren.. dun be so nice.. im afraid of it.. is dat really dat? or u juz wan me to carry on seeing u with him so loving and so happy, while i coop myself up in my own heart still reliving the past over and over again? i dun tink i will take that.. i cant be ur fren.. cos i cant picture u with someone else.. find someone to share ur joy.. thks for being so honest.. i know u dun love me anymore.. but i've been living in self-denial.. telling myself u still do.. but nw i truly know.. i really know.. and i do nt know hw to react.. ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABT U TELLING ME U;LL LOVE ME FOREVER??? ALL THIS SHIT ABT U PROMISING TO BE WITH ME FOREVER???? JUZ TAKE IT AWAY WITH YOU!!! THKS FOR TELLING ME I WAS THE ONE WHO GAVE UP THIS RELATIONSHIP! NO I DID NT!!! U WERE THE ONE WHO DID!!! U NVR WAN ME ARD!!! U TOLD ME TO GET LOST REMEMBER??? U HUNG UP ON ME TWICE IN THAT DAY REMEMBER??? I WAS NVR IN UR HEART!!! SO STOP PRETENDING!!!! I HATE YOU, I HATE MYSELF AND I HATE THIS WORLD!!!! I HATE LOVE!!! COS ITS ALL FULL OF PRETENCE!!! COS LOVE MAKES ME SO VULNERABLE!!! THAT WHEN U SAY I WAS WRONG AND U R RITE, I REALLY BELIEVE DAT!!! THINK OF THIS!!!! STOP SAYING I WAS THE ONE WHO GIVE IT UP!!! AND DAT I ONLY HAVE MYSELF TO BLAME!!!! WAD BULLSHIT THAT DAY!!! OBVIOUSLY U CANNOT REMEMBER DAT U WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED ME TO GET LOST FIRST!!! OBVIOUSLY U FORGOT THE NUMBER OF TIMES U WANTED A BREAKUP IN OUR RELATIONSHIP!!! OBVIOUSLY U FORGOT HW THE FIRST YR U WERE JUZ TAKING REVENGE ON ME!!! I HOPE U'RE HAPPY NW!!! I'VE NVR CRUMBLE LIKE THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! AND NW U R THE REASON FOR IT!! I CANT BELIEVE FOR U, IM FEELING SO VULNERABLE, SO WEAK, SO HELPLESS!!! STOP TORTURING ME WILL YOU???

2006-10-11T07:56:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU!!! CANT U SEE IT???

Graveyard of my Heart

2006-10-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

Wad de hell am i doing man? sometimes i really think that i think too much.. see dere i go again.. wad de hell am i doing online at this time? i shud be slping and recuperating, nt even feelin well today frankly.. think im coming down with sth.. sigh.. gonna be writing a song, it'll be called graveyard of my heart.. haa.. tot of the title on my way back juz nw.. quite cool.. hope it'll be nice.. been so long since i last had some inspiration.. this time, the inspiration is nt gd, but still it's sth for me to write abt.. i love you.. wish u well.. i know why i cant move on, there's so many unanswered qns within me that i want to ask.. like hw do u define waiting? does seeing someone else when u're 'waiting' still be considered acceptable? and do u love someone else when u know dat u still had someone other ppl in ur heart? where can i find my ans? i do nt know.. cos u're ignoring me.. and u do nt care anymore.. for u've found someone else.. even tho i believe i can give u happiness, but u dun trust me anymore.. u do nt believe in me anymore.. and why shud u? when i myself have lost belief in my ownself.. u take care.. i'll always be ard when u nd me..

...Wish...

2006-10-09T18:58:00.000+08:00

If i have only one wish, i wish for you to come back..
if i have two wishes, i wish for you to come back and for me to give all my love..
if i have three wishes, i wish for you to come back and for me to give all my love and to show you how much you mean to me..
if i have as many wishes as i want, i will use all to juz love you..

Once again...

2006-10-08T15:10:00.000+08:00

You were my safest place to hide... After all these time my heart still burns for you..

Life is always abt battling, but the ultimate battle is always the battle with our other self dat's within.. and once again i find myself battling it.. and this time round, the other self prevails, the self telling me that i shud wait...

In this short life of ours, seriously, ask urself, hw many times can we truly love someone? To many others, it could be juz once or twice, and to the minority, more than a hand can count.. but the latter usually do nt understand the meaning of true love.. cos true love is special, and it can be replaced by none other.. when u truly love someone, nth else matters.. even time.. cos she will be ur time, ur money and ur strength.. her love will be ur hope, ur light, ur sunshine.. True love is the harbour to stop when the storm comes, the safest place to hide when things are against you.. And when i say true love, i mean you, and u know who u r.. cos i nvr will love another one so true..

So when one finally understands true love, dat u can give up anything for her, u will be willing to sacrifice, and dats hw i feel.. no matter wad, waiting is juz a sacrifice of time.. and for you, no time matters.. i am the former, i dun find true love always.. i think.. and when i found you, i dun wanna let u go juz like that.. i might say im moving on, i can kid others, but my heart will always know the truth.. cos my heart dictates hw i feel, and my mind dictates wad i do and say.. and when u love someone, u use ur heart, nt ur mind.. move on if u muz.. but occasionally, think back of me.. im nt struggling, i wont and i will nt let myself struggle in life.. i'm always moving on in life, its juz dat in terms of relationship i dun think i will.. i wont excel too.. no, im nt as perfect as u used to say i was.. and nw u know.. if i am perfect, things wont turn out the way it is nw.. i wont have to miss you, cos u'll be by my side always, everyday, every time..

Im hating the times when i think i spend too much time with you, cos now i realised that the time we spent together was actually so short.. i love you.. u can dun love me anymore.. u can love someone else.. but that wont matter.. cos i love you, and that can only change if u take my heart and replace it with another.. hope the one u love can treat u better than i could.. Cos i know that if ever i do love again, the person will have a very big shoe to fill, and rite nw, this shoes is only meant for you..

You are my only one, my one and only...

Learning from mistakes and my tribute to all..

2006-10-07T11:37:00.000+08:00

Life's abt that isn't it? making mistakes and learning from them.. recently i made so many mistakes it's unbelievable.. distancing myself from practically everyone else, except the few gd frens who're always there, like junsong and vickie.. good pals will stay forever.. true love too.. guess btw us there really isnt any true love like we used to think there was.. it's amazing the spd u r at that i cant catch up with u anymore.. i will walk slowly behind, cos i've been hurt.. and seeing u run off in the distance, i wont stop you.. i've finally moved on.. i think.. the hurt is still there.. the love will always be there.. but the material items are no longer there.. i've removed them.. except the picture in my wallet, i cant take them off. it's stuck there.. oh well, let it be some memories to remember abt..

u really gimme alot of happy moments, that im thankful for.. and my frens once advise me, do u really love her, or do u juz love memories of her? that is a qn worth pondering abt.. which till nw i cant tell the difference.. cos i love both u and memories of you.. that's sth that shudnt be doubt.. but rite nw, the diff is that u dun love me anymore.. i did say, the day u dun love me is the day i'll stop loving you.. it's a simple equation i believe, cos ur love was the pillar i built my future on.. the strength that lift me up when i've fallen, and the glimmer of hope in times of failures.. rite nw, i juz gotta find other avenues for that, and my frens really do come in greatly here... Thank you for the past, the present, and maybe my future, where you'll always play a part... One day we might be frens, like u say, we've been thru so much its not fair if we cant even end up as frens to support each other in this journey we called life.. one day i promise you.. one day.. but nt rite nw.. lemme come to terms with certain issues of my life first, and the ending of our relationship.. when i truly moved on, u will know. cos the smile will once again return to my face.. and from that time on, i will be happy.. so u be happy too..

i truly understand the meaning of loving someone is nt to have, but to make sure shes happy.. but i dun practise wad i preach.. im still learning.. learning in life.. from my mistakes.. from my errors in life, i grow.. u outgrew me in that.. u mature and moved on faster than i tot u would.. sad to say, im quite glad for you.. but at the same time, im upset.. oh well..

thanks to ppl who've given me advice and has pulled me along and nt lemme juz fall and stay there to rot.. vickie thanks alot.. tho u urself are facing problems, u provided ur help to me in times when i really nd them.. sad to let u see this state of me.. ur sound advices and ur constant encouragement, tho unintentional as u say, really helps me alot.. and junsong, thks for being my buddy for these two yrs in army.. really hard to find true frens who stick by ur side forever.. i will be one to u too, and one for those who stick with me.. sam, tho u r my officer, u nvr always treat me like ur subordinate.. u r the reason why im still happily working in CAB sia.. if nt i'll be complaining everyday abt hw this shit sucks, that i cant chiong sua and hafta do this work... and for the wise words u always gimme, altho always in broken english.. ahha.. but i can see u really care for me and is a great pal of mine.. kenneth, for always sharing stuff with me.. u r the one who truly makes me see a difference, in loving someone and loving memories of someone.. its gd to be able to share ur deeper self with someone whom u know can guide u along in ur life.. and these are the ppl who'll stay forever.. and be with u forever.. even when the sky is gonna fall on me like it has, i know i will find these ppl by my side holding up the sky with me.. u were the one then.. but rite nw, i know i'll have my frens with me.. Thank you, to u, my love, and to all those who are with me.. Thank you..

2006-10-06T08:13:00.000+08:00

You once told me, dat wad is mine is urs, and wads urs will still be urs.. and i dun mind.. my home was ur home.. and i wan u to come back home.. dats wad i've been feelin these days.. i wonder where u been.. i cant put ur picture away.. everywhere i go i see you.. i wan to move on.. but i cant.. my heart is pulling me back, telling me i cant let go.. i wan to wait, but isnt it stupid to be waiting for someone who so doesnt love you anymore? are we supposed to be able to give everything for the someone we really love? cos rite nw im feeling helpless.. ppl r telling me to let go, i told them im nt.. they're disappointed in me.. dat i'm no longer the person they used to know, the cheerful lionel who's always smiling and laffing away, able to share a joke with and can crack a joke practically from anything.. but they dint know that last time i had you, dats why i was happy.. rite nw i've lost the reason to be happy.. and there goes my smile and my humour.. cos i see nth to laugh abt anymore in my pathetic life here..

im sorrie i cant give u two my blessings.. who seriously can tell a person he loves straight in the eyes that he will be happy to see her make it happen with another guy? lets be frank here.. im nt happy and i cant be happy.. can we seriously brush our feelings aside, feelings we had for two yrs and more, all brushed to one side for someone we barely knew for two mths? maybe u'll use our past as an example.. but rite nw, i dun understand.. cos i cant.. i've apologised to yy.. i told her im sorrie dat i even told her i liked her.. cos at that time u were in my heart, yet i wan to move on, and i tot i could, that i did.. hw wrong i was.. do i really wan an answer from you? do i really wan to hear u say that, yes, u've stopped loving me for long? dat all ur feelings were gone? did u move on earlier than u said u did? that the 3 mths u waited were actually shorter than that? these 2 mths i've been blaming myself.. i let u wait for 3 mths.. but were u really there waiting sometime i asked? when someone waits, she dun develop feelings for others.. but yet u said u were interested in someone during that period of waiting.. so was that still waiting for you? i am waiting.. and i will be no matter wad i say, no matter wad u say, and no matter wad other ppl says.. i will be waiting.. and this time, i will show u wad is waiting.. cos no other person can replace the place u occupy in my heart.. and u'll nvr understand this..

know the song u wanted to send me? by rascal flatts? try listening to it thinkin u were me rite nw.. it fits exactly..

Killers - Mr. Brightside

2006-10-06T07:52:00.000+08:00

KILLERS LYRICS

Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

Cause I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...
I never...

You called

2006-10-03T22:11:00.000+08:00

Just go for it when u love someone.. dats all i have to say to myself and everyone out there.. dun be afraid to lose.. dun be afraid to love.. and dun be afraid to say.. i love you, and i said it too late, and now things will nvr be the same again.. im sad.. i'll forever be.. this is sth which u cant change.. neither can i.. when u told me u will still care whether i am happy or nt, do u know hw much i wish to tell u, 'then come back to me!'... i will then be happy.. sigh.. but i know i cant, cos it's super unfair to so many parties nw, u including.. and if u coming back to me makes me happy but nt u, den it'll be far worse than wad i am doing nw.. at least nw there's only one sad person to add to this world.. all the best to you.. i wish that u'll get wad u deserve, and u only deserve the very best, which i could nt live up to.. i love you.. forever and ever.. till the end of time..

Thoughts

2006-10-01T14:55:00.000+08:00

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself, when nobody else can help
Because you live girl, my world has twice as many stars in the sky.
Because you live, i live.

it was sometimes not too long ago,
when i was sitting in front of this comp,
nothing in my mind, nothing on the screen.
my fingers were cold, yet they aren't moving.

You were my inspiration in life,
and on that day i found no inspiration.
my mind was a blank, telling myself i cant do anything.
and then i heard this song, and ur picture surface in my head.

i start to type, and on this day i did.
i type wad my mind thought first,
cos they say whatever the mind thinks first,
is always the most true to its words.

There wont be any editting,
there wont be any cancellation.
there wont be any backspace,
there wont be any delete.
juz a plain old prose, reflecting hw i truly feel,
and i wont edit a single word i put in.

life is nt a vcd player.
we cant put our life on fast forward,
to see if this love will last till the end.
and we cant put it on reverse,
to try to change things that had happened.

I wished i had a magic wand,
to bring things back to four mths ago.
when we were sitting at the table,
and a tear flows from your eyes.
i shud have catch that tear,
i shud have said im sorry then.
i shud have said i love you,
i shud have said lets give it one more try.
but i do nt have a magic wand.

i wasnt sure abt my love at that time.
i tot i dint love you as much.
i tot it'll be fair for both of us to find ourselves.
only until now did i know i was wrong.
i've nvr loved someone so deep.
and i'll nvr love another one as much.
for in my heart there'll always be you.
you'll occupy the whole of it,
and im suffocating in ur love.

i let you go.
it was my choice.
im regretting it.
and im hating myself.
you gave me a chance.
i dint take it.
you waited for me.
i let you wait.

now that you're gone.
and im all alone.
im missing the days.
im hating the nights.
i cant hear a word at night,
for my mind is drowning out every of my senses.

if there's really fate in this world.
i hope our fate dint end here.
i do nt wan u to come back.
i juz wan a chance to show you,
hw much u truly mean to me.

i will give all my life to have one minute alone with you.
and in this last minute of my life i wont do anything else.
i will juz hold u in my arms, and kiss u on ur lips.
for one minute.
and i will gladly die in ur arms.
knowing that i've experienced true love.
and that love is you.

you've found someone there to be with you.
he might be the one we do not know.
shower him with as much love and concern as u once showered me with.
and i pray he will do likewise.
cos if u dun deserve it, no one else does.
i will give u my blessing..
i will congratulate him.
on finding the perfect someone,
in you.

great love comes with great risk i once read,
do nt be afraid to love again.
i love you.
and i always will.
you will one day walk down the aisle with The One,
and i will be there to cry tears of happiness for you.
love is nt able having,
its abt knowing the other one is happy.
my love couldnt make u happy,
and i hope someone else's will..

remember to smile.
it brightens my day.
and lit up my nights.
when i see ur mouth twitch upwards,
that will be priceless.
it will be the best gift u've ever given me,
that smile of yours,
and you truly being happy.

Bubu, i will love you forever.
i know i've done wrong.
nth can change the past.
and nth can change this love of mine.
until the day the coast lost itself to the sea,
and im lying in deep slp,
i will nvr love another as much,
as i love you.
and i'm glad that in this lifetime,
i finally know wad true love is.
though its no longer with me.
but knowing u're happy,
is akin to experiencing this true love.
Aku cinta Padamu.
hope u still remember this.

Lovely Song

2006-09-24T16:57:00.000+08:00

One Last Cry - Brian McKnight

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
Ive gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess Im down to my last cry

Cry......

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
Ive gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

Im gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
Ive gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess Im down
I guess Im down
I guess Im down...
To my last cry...

Reflected my feelings exactly.. sigh...

Another Poem

2006-09-18T01:23:00.000+08:00

Fool

It all begins with one,

The whole world is all he wants.

Strong overpowering the weak,

Has now reaches its peak

Look at what the world has become.

Errors and wars piling together in lumps.

Arrowheads pointing towards everyone,

Ending up in graves, the innocent ones.

We are all crazy fools,

We are nothing but a tool.

Nothing but a pawn to the ultimate fool,

The dead all lie in a pool.

In the office a war is fought,

On the ground the dead is bought.

Leaders quarrel over minor stuff,

People dying without a laugh.

Natural disasters ravage our land.

Tsunami, hurricanes, droughts and sand.

Ignorant we are fighting still,

Deserved we are, lying still.

Hungry people waits in vain,

Helpless people lie in pain.

'We are going to do something', it is said

All talks no actions that’s what I say.

Self-centred we are in this world,

Where's the unity in this world.

The rich ignoring the poor,

The strong taking over the world.

Shouldn't there be actions anytime soon,

For at the end, we stand alone.

Overwhelmed by our daily sins,

When will the world ever see.

Understood and Enlightened

2006-09-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

i felt that i juz have to write this entry.. things juz happened, and wad was cloudy is nw clear - taking this from some other song.. but its true, wad i do nt wan to face or do nt understand sort of juz happened to me today.. thank you vickie, for that 'slap in the face' to me dat truly wakes me up from my hideout... a place i find myself hiding in, a false front i've been ducking behind all the time... and today i truly know myself, my flaws and all, and there's nth better to describe me, but, i'm a jerk...

i've juz been escaping from myself.. and im sorry.. wonghui, if u're reading this, im truly very sorry.. things juz dint work out.. im glad u're finally rid of me.. im juz nt worthy of u and ur tears.. sigh.. u know when i asked u out and u told me u nd time? do u know wad i had in mind? i wan to tell u everything.. im ready to tell you.. sigh.. i got my heart into a rebound, i develop a liking for someone.. i juz felt so empty, in my heart, in my mind, in my soul.. but i thank god that this all dint develop into anything, or i would be hurting not only you, but her as well.. im glad im over this, and im grateful that vickie wake me up to my senses, to see wad a jerk i was... to see hw insensitive and hw selfish i have been towards u and ur feelings.. u muz be super disappointed in me, i dint turn out to be as perfect as u once said i was... and i know.. for i've nvr been.. i tried.. u cant deny that, i tried to be perfect in ur eyes.. i tried to be... and i wan to be! but im juz nt! sigh.. im truly sorry that i've hurt u in many ways... but i do nt want things to be back to the past.. cos i know u will be better off without me.. and i know, and i pray that one day, the perfect one will really be there for you...

your pillow, ur blanket, ur photo, they're all still at where they were.. i nvr removed them.. i cant bear to.. memories are always there.. u cant erase them.. and i swear, the memories u gave me were seriously gd... in times when i've no faith in love, u love me.. but i betray that.. and im truly sorry.. im too immature to handle any relationship rite nw.. im still a kid growing up in this world.. a jerk, an asshole.. but i'll change.. for the better... i hope...

Pink - Who knew

2006-08-24T08:47:00.000+08:00

PINK LYRICS

"Who Knew"

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

Sth i wish to share since it's no longer special

2006-08-08T21:05:00.001+08:00

Is it days?
Is it weeks?
Is it years,
when we first meet?

Is it winter when the first snow falls?
Is it autumn when the first leaf drops?
Is it sunshine when u first appear?
Is it the end when the day comes near?

Is it true love can never be?
Is it time surpasses everything?
Is it we can never change our fate?
Is it time for us to part this date?

Is it the last hour I can be with you?
Is it the last time I'll be a fool?
Is it the last chance I'm gonna have?
Is it the last day we have left?

Is it we can never be?
Is it I haven't given all there is?
Is it my heart has been broken once?
Is it time for me to have a chance?

Is it time for you to leave?
Is it all that I can give?
Is it time for me to say goodbye?
Because to my heart, I can't lie.

2006-08-06T11:01:00.000+08:00

Juz rem i promise tan tan this i will post:

Tan^2: You know who's Boon Han?
Lionel: Who? (puzzled)
Tan^2: Damn zai~~~
Lionel & XH: ?????????

Sometimes he juz make the stupidest comments in the world sia.. haha.. no wonder he's the retard among us.. =P

In my damn free time, this i wrote

2006-08-06T10:50:00.000+08:00

A poem i wrote:

With tears forming in my eyes,
And fears rushing through my veins.
I am motionless,
Speechless.

My mind's in a mess,
With thoughts swirling in my face.
Take this risk or should I not?
Say it now or should I stop?

Then a thought forms in my head,
A future without you leading me ahead.
Losing a chance which I should take,
A friend which I had make.

The thought is so painful,
None ever so hurtful.
My heart yearns for you,
my mind pines for you.

You're an angel,
My angel.
You pick me up when I am down,
U lay the ground when I fall down.

Sweet and innocent as you are,
I will be there wherever you are.
Be your shield whenever u need.
Your advice forever I'll heed.

Your true beauty sweeps me off my feet,
The day u walked into my life.
The way you blow my mind,
The way u heal my heart.

And a risk which I shall take,
With all that's to be said.
Be it all or nothing, I hope you'll know,
That there's a person with love, all ready to show.
How much you truly mean to him.
And I thank God for the day I finally find you.

Feeling Despondent

2006-08-06T09:16:00.000+08:00

ah.. so many ppl been asking me why i feel despondent.. haha.. seriously rite, i was reading a book and this word juz came to my mind.. then went to check out its meaning, not that i do nt know the meaning, but just wanna be sure of it.. haha.. it's sth like feeling hopeless, helpless la.. den somehow like quite related to how i was feeling at that time, den i juz put it in my nick...

yup, lately been feeling quite helpless.. esp after my injury, sorta realised so many things aren't within our ctrl, dat everything in life is so unpredictable.. dat's exactly why we're still living rite? for its unpredictabilty, for its ever-changing surprises.. be it good or bad, wadeva happen sometimes never seem to keep me and my attitude in check.. everything that happens always serve as a notice to me, dat i'm nt really in total ctrl of my life, that there are so many factors abound for every choice u make, and those factors are nt necessary something u can anticipate..

yes i admit, im a coward.. im forever a coward, be it taking wadeva risks.. if i'm nt a coward, i wouldn't have taken 2 yrs to make my decision, i wouldnt have nt the courage to do wadeva i wanted to do, i would have already planned my future ahead, wad i wanan do and where my interest lies.. im a coward, for i do nt wanna take a path only to regret it later.. im a coward cos im afraid my future is gonna be a mess, by choosing sth i do nt have interest in.. im a coward bcos im scared to lose, and i do not wan to lose.. im a coward cos alot of times i do nt dare to face up to reality, dat many things need me to stand upright and face the music.. yes, im indeed a coward..

i am helpless.. but i know i can make things work in my favour.. i am still myself, albeit more matured and more grown up.. this i know.. its time for u to too.. life is nt abt other ppl seriously.. when ppl say life is more than juz urself, dun listen to their shiet.. yesh, we shud nt be self-centred, but at times, wad for u look beyond urself when u urself is a mess?? it's time ppl like me sort out myself first, before u put other ppl as ur top priority! as they say, how can u expect ppl to love u, when u urself do nt love urself? hw to i ask U?? SIGH.. Lionel! do u even love urself?? 20 yrs already! is this all u've to show to urself? is this wad u wan? do u tink u r a hero jux cos u think for others more than u do to urself? no way! sort urself out! get a grip! farkin shit hell do nt always give excuses for urself to escape reality! sigh...

Today is the day i stare at fear in the eyes

2006-08-03T20:00:00.000+08:00

sometimes in life, ppl always believe dat everything can be overcome, that there shud be no fear in ur heart so long as u believe in urself.. i was one of these few... i do nt fear, i only do nt believe... but today i realised things might nt be as simple as u sometimes think it is.. today is the day i look straight at fear, to put it in layman's term, my balls have nvr been any smaller...

the day started as per normal, me still trying to get desperate housewives, the entire second season, and replying to ur frenster msg... told u i got hit in the left eye yest and its still kinda swollen etc etc. Thereafter went for breakfast with my dad, in the end was slightly late in meeting up with warrant chan and all... but overall its still alrite... the morning juz went pass like this... today we met rsaf grp 2, our brother team! dunno whether its coincidence or conspiracy cos both airforce grps will always meet in the group matches... we will forever nt be in diff grps one... anyway as we were speaking, MAJ JV juz called to ask abt me.. he's such a nice person!!! even wanted to come down personally to see me, but he gt a meeting to attend and it juz ended... haha.. i'm so glad to be working for these ppl...

well anyway, back to the morning.. we reach the camp as usual and the day was juz normal... we manage to win the singles and the mixed doubles, but we lost on the veteran doubles.. it was really a very close fight and i cant believe that these ppl are their age, cos they seem to play better than some of the youngsters ard! haha.. anyway, it was an exciting match and it juz got my hyped up as well.. den i know my senior, tong dee, is gonna be playing men's doubles, so it's like, omg! finally i can play him! haha... juz wnted to do my best.. actually doubles was supposed to be the last game, cos still got one more singles, but den, cos our singles is the super zai chiu Paul, and its almost a god-given pt, they decide to play the doubles first, so u know, the score is 2-1 and it'll be more exciting ma... so we went down and play lor..

once i go down into the court, realised sth was very wrong la.. before that, tong dee keep teasing me that he's gonna hit my other eyes within the 42 pts he's gonna get.. 42 pts cos eah set is 21 pts, so if he gets 42, he wins the match la... so i told him its ridiculous, of cos it is! cos its nt possible that in two days, im gonna be hit in both eyes consecutively, and it's nt possible dat he'll win! haha... so i told him im only gg to let him get 21 pts for both sets in total.. so we juz go in with a have-fun mood and de game juz start la... anyway we won the first set... CPT Dino was absolutely fabulous, he's like a 'shen' with his drops and all la.. hahaa.... somemore he's super long, so almost every shot he can reach sia.. ridiculous.. he almost towers me over by a head la.. haha... anyway he's tis super nice guy also! super super nice! haha... oh back to the game, we won the first set i think 21-16 or sth like dat la.. but rite from the start i felt sth is amiss le, like sth wrong is gonna happen la... but i juz shrug it off as usual, thinking its juz the jitters u know.. so the second set commence and it was closer than expected... Tong Dee they all somehw got their acts together, so the score was very close... but then we slowly manage to pull away, 12-12, 13-12, 14-12, den it happened... i think Dino did a drop shot, cos i rem standing in front still, and the ball was pushed over me to the other side by Tong Dee, so i jumped and tried to intercept but it was out of my reach.. Den i did sth retarded, i turned back to look at the shuttle, even though its like out of reach already, and guess wad, next thing i saw was Dino and i felt a pain in my rite eye... yes, i was hit once again, dis time in the other eye... according to my Capt, Johin, he said i did nt panick, maybe cos i experienced the same thing juz yesterday when Roy that idiot tapped into my left eye.. haha.. but i juz lie down, and attempted to take off my contacts... anyway, wad happen was super scary, cos i couldnt see a thing with my rite eye!!! it was all cloudy and white, and even when i put my hand rite in front of it, i couldnt see anything but vauge shadow of my hand! i was so scared la!! dats when i really found and felt fear.. i thought i was gg blind... they were all consoling me saying its nth, juz a strain and all, but its really impossible for me to nt be scared.. imagine u gg blind all of a sudden! i juz couldnt picture it... i do nt wan it to happen.. sigh.. anyway, Dino, Paul and TD accompanied me to the medical centre, where it was located at the other camp (the place has three camps), and when we got in, the person asked me to register... i was quite angry, cos dun u thnik its an emergency!?? i really couldnt see a shit with my rite eye!!! and somemore they told me to take eye test... told them i couldnt see a shit they dun believe me, nd me go in front of the tester then say i cant see a shit then they realised, oh ya, its rite... wadeva la... den i was told to wait and before long, the MO sees me... i think he was quite freaked out also, cos i was freaked out, but anyway he checked out my eyes, and guess wad, he told me there was internal bleeding... internal bleeding + couldn't see a shit = Total FREAKED-OUT LIONEL!!!! i was so sad la.. i cant believe my luck.. wad have i done to deserve this? sigh... so i ask the MO hw severe it is, cos i wanna be mentally prepared, but he told me he couldnt determine, cos he does nt have the equipment to check the internal of my eyes, so he cant determine wad other injuries i might have.. so it was to the NUH that he recommends me to.. yup.. so i was to be driven there in the military ambulance la.. i think.. guess wad!!! the vehicle has a bloody speed limit!!! and it was crawling away to the hospital when me at the back was like couldnt see anything with my rite eye la.. sigh.. even Paul was complaining, saying he cant believe its so slow... but as the minutes pass, i realised my rite eye is starting to be able to see slowly.. i do nt know why, but i know dat i prayed at the medical centre before dat.. i prayed that if my eyes recover, i will believe in you.. i prayed that there is nth wrong with my eyes.. i wonder if its You answering my prayers, but it really did get better after that.. somehow my vision starts clearing up and i slowly could see, albeit still abit blur... Is it really You being there for me??

Anyway we reach the hospital eventually and we nd to proceed to the walk-in counter.. thanks to the experience of Paul, i do nt have to wait very long to get myself registered.. and the nurse was super nice! ahaha.. nt to mention cute.. yup, even with one eye down i still can see dat.. anyway she super nice to me la.. ya, shes super nice.. haha.. dunno hw to put it la.. shes juz super nice la.. and she doesnt look that old either.. even Tong Dee says he thinks shes cute.. haha.. oh well, den i got myself registered and we went in to wait, cos she says the doc will call my name.. so we wait, wait, wait, and wait, and finally, "Leow Wen Bin Lionel" and there i go with this guy in his green dunno-wad-u-call-it robes... haha.. so we went into this rm, got the typical machine u see when u see opticians, and was told to wait.. haa.. talk cock abit with him, ask him is he my doc, and he say no.. so i like, disappointed la.. cos he super frenly also.. haa... Yup, NUH has frenly ppl... thanks!!! so i was left waiting alone in the rm, think the doc busy or sth, den finalyl the doc came.. she checked my eyes and everything, den i think nth much was wrong la, cos she also dint say anything much.. she was wearing mask thruout, but well, i think shes chio too.. maybe when u r in distress, u will see into the heart of whoever is there to help, and realised, hey, i nvr seen them that beautiful before.. well dats cos at that moment, u r lookin into their heart, which is full of compassion and care, and it over-rode any physical appearances.. dats why patients all think nurses are very chio.. haha.. and i finally got a taste of it today... well, nt saying they're nt chio, they really are! haha... oh, so she checked my eyes le, she put this stuff into my eye after dat, frickin pain la!!! got stinging sensation lor.. damn sianz.. den the machines all look super scary, cos the rm was dark, den got lights, den like aliens machine like dat... hahaa... den at the end of the initial inspection, she dropped sth in my eyes, den say sth abt dilating... dunno wad the heck la.. anyway when i come out, Paul and TD went to eat le, and Dino gotta go back to work, but there were Johin, Encik Gan, Encik Kong and Leslie there waiting.. haha.. so glad to see them... thanks alot for coming! u all are really great frens and teammates! hee... so we started joking abt la.. and Encik Gan told me later i wont be able to see a shit, cos dilated pupil means lots of light and even a bigger shuttle come flying towards me i also cant see.. apparently they all got their pupils dilated before.. like i the only one nvr had it happen to me before.. haha.. of cos i dun believe a thing la, he was practically stretching out his hand to indicate the size of the shuttle that i wont be able to see, so big, hw can dun see rite, and i was wrong.. really cant see a shit with my eye sia after that!!! everything became super bright lor, den have to keep it close most of the times... haaa.. guess the older the ginger, the more spicy it is.. haha.. direct translation lehz.. =P

anyway, she told me wait 30 min la, in the end dunno wait until hw long sia, den finally, "Leow Wen Bin Lionel" and there i go again into that rm... well, dis time it was a torture, cos my pupil was dilated and den, guess wad, she did wad i exactly was trying to nt do, she keeps shining bright lights in my eyes!!! super sianz la!!! den keep tearing, cos bright lights + dilated pupils = excruciating pain... nt those physical pain.. dunno hw to describe it also.. ur eyes juz cannot take it la, but have to keep forcing it open cos she checking ma.. den she keeps checking la.. and she asked me, do u have any laser before... freaked me out sia!!! i tot, omg, wad did she find out? is there sth wrong? why ask such questions? cannot help it la, if u were me u cant help feeling paranoid too... anyway, den keep shining lights in my eyes la, and finally, the torture is over... so i ask is there anything wrong, and she replied nth much, and i finally felt relieved.. well, but another torture is abt to begin, the punishment of waiting... sianz... wait damn long la, think got hour plus.. somemore plus i was feeling nausea sia, maybe cos i nver eat anything since 7 in the morning and seeing with one eye really will make the person go dizzy la.. somemore nt ur master eye lor, so thruout i was damn quiet, keeping feeling that i wanna puke.. anyway, the waiting game was finally over, and i got my everything very quickly.. thanks everyone for waiting so long.. haha.. u all juz using me as excuse to not go work or go work later rite? i know one lor... haha.. kidding... =P really very grateful to u all for peiing me all the way la.. oh.. and when i approach the triage, where the first, very nice and chio nurse registered me, she had her mask off le! haha... quite chio lehx! serious! =) so i go talk to her abit also la.. think i muz look quite ugly, cos i realised after that my whole rite eye was blue-black, and is red and swollen.. so she still so nice to me, wa, really respect lor.. haha.. nvm, i actually very shuai one.. she got yan guang! =P so i got my stuff and den say goodbye to her... TD and Paul idiot la, keep teasing me abt her, say why nvr go say bye bye, when tho i did say bye bye, and cos she standing at counter ma, so they tease me say she waiting for me to go back and get her number or sth.. idiot... i here see doctor for my eye one lor, not to go get some girl's number and name la.. haha... u wan go get urself la! =P so Johin was very nice, he send me all the way back to my home lor, literally to my doorstep, cos the nearest u can go was to the carpark nearest to the lift, and he send me all the way in.. haha.. think he freaked out also, so many ppl freaking out today, Me, Dino, TD, Johin Etc....... ahahhaha.... Johin freaked out cos if u rem, i was feeling nausea, so thruout the car-ride i dun dare talk, cos got the vomitting feeling.. haha.. then OC and cant rem who called sia!! so no choice, gotta talk, and the feeling juz got even worse, like almost coming out le! haha.. luckily nvr come out.. so whole ride, he damn scared i puke in his car... haha.. dun worrie la, i wont do dat one.. at most on ur car only.. nt inside! cos im inside too! haha... anyway really hundreds and millions of thanks to you and everybody whos there when i needed the most~!! esp TD!!! giving me the encouragements and everything... Thanks lots! hahaa... i will help u try get sancia's number!!!! =P oops... i say out le hor.. haha...

Ya, so today is the day i totally freaked out and the day i know wad true fear is... i finally know dat sometimes life is juz so unpredictable, imagine playing badminton so many yrs without any major injury and in two days, both ur eyes were hit.. and always be grateful to have ur frens ard u, cos they'll be the one who will pull u thru the obstacles in life... so before i leave, as usual, heres a quote after my thanks..

A thousand Million thanks to u guys... LOVE U ALL!!!! I'll be back!!! and dis yr, we shall go to the finals!!! =P

Quote of the Day:
Cherish wad u have for today, cos u will nt know wad is left for u to cherish tmr...

Rob Thomas - Ever the same

2006-08-03T00:39:00.000+08:00

"Ever The Same"

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same(Ever the same)

I'm BACK

2006-07-31T19:40:00.000+08:00

yes im back my blog!!! love u lots!!! haha... been one yr since i add a post already.. wonder if anyone will even be reading this or wadeva... haha.. but who cares!!! i juz nd some place to vent my frustrations!!! even if i tear this whole blog down no physical damage would've been done!!! haha... work sucks! everywhere also the same!!! haha.. cant believe my workplace has so many incompetent ppl leading us.. this is getting on my nerves.. Like this person, lets call 'it' BB.. super irritating la.. every other min will be calling me, asking me lotsa irritating stuff!!!! hate all the backstabbing shits that's going on... sigh... why muz ppl backstab others?? do we really gain from backstabbing ppl?? so wad if we do? its juz some stupid gains dats temporary! wads permanent is another loss of a mate in this world!!! why cant anybody see dat?? wads the point of backstabbing??? get lost u all backstabbers!!! dun get me frickin involved in ur stupid games of politics!!! i juz wan a peaceful life!!!!

ok... so no more frustrations left within me.. haha.. so glad dat over these few mths i've found real true frens who bring me over the obstacles that present themselves 'wham bam' in my face... i got two slimming buddies!!! haha.. though one is practically like non-existent all the time.. haha.. yup!!! im finally gg to learn to slim down cos so many ppl have been saying im fat!!! am i really fat?? sigh... i shall become hunky and slim by the end of the year~!!!! wahahhaa!!!! like real rite... if only its so easy... hope someone can gimme tips on hw to lose weight asap.. and thru the proper methods too, not some stupid dietting shits dat have u nt eating anything the whole wk.. haha... anyway my this other slimming buddy is also so disappointing... she is forever eating junks even when i tell her nt to! haha.. u know who u r! dun go hiding in one corner there and eat ur popcorns thinking i do nt know ah! =P stocktake is finally over!! im so glad.. no longer have to face BB like dat anymore... super irritating.. haha.. finally i can breathe a sigh of relief, finally i've escaped from her clutches!!!!!!!! wahahhahaa....

oh other than my slimming buddy ZP, i also find myself a PAWB!!!! dat stands for pig-and-waffle buddy!!! haha... damn super appreciative of ur presence when i need u most dere!!! and for dat i shall be dere for u always as well!!! hee... and stop being so pessimistic ya? haha.. think we are really very different in characters la.. wonder hw we become gd frens one.. but oh well, my optimism in life shall be the cover for ur pessimism.. haha.. always look on the bright side of life!!!! hahaa... things will always turn out straight!!! yup! always believe in dat~!

tmr shall mark the beginning of my competition.. wonder hw i'll fare.. been so long since i play competitive badminton le.. most of the times playing with the old-but-damn-zai ppl until i play like them nw lor.. hahaa..... nw i hardly even move in the court le.. even got criticised by phua dat day.. haha.. or is it juz my slacker attitude taking over in court also?? haha.. but nt bad la.. dat day went for the last team training.. first time got more than 3 ppl dere!!! haha.. so played alot of doubles and im glad to say i haven lose touch at all!!! haha... so happy!!!! guess i can be as gd if i wan to.. haha.. stupid me.. sometimes a lil compliments juz get to my head.. Lionel!!! u sure nd to control ur stupid big head ah!!! haha.. me talking to myself again.. getting retarded.. oh anyway i tried out singles too.. played with johin, our team captain!!! i am fricking slow la!! dis time its true! im really slow! nt that im slack! haha.. cant even move properly in court.. wan hit one place i can hit the other place.. haha.. super lousy la.. i shud stick with doubles from nw on.. at least dun hafta cover so much space.. haha.. slacking again.. oh my...

Hope you're doing fine over there! so glad to learn that u really like my present, though u only open when i told u to.. haha.. its nt ur bdae present la.. ur bdae present still with me lor.. i shall be sending it as a registered mail over to you.. haha.. hope it doesnt get lost in the meanwhile.. i shall send it by plane! so that the present can have a cosy ride for that many many hrs of travelling over to you.. haha... I will be praying over here that u'll be safe for ur 3 yrs there and make many many new frens, perhaps even really finding the one true love for urself~~!! hee.. i'll be so happy for u la, if dats the case.. cos i realised maybe im juz nt gd enuf, and to love someone is nt to have, but to know dat shes gonna be happy, and i wan u to be happy.. dats all i'll be praying for.. really will be wishing dat u will reply the letters i write to you.. haha.. it would be so nice to receive a mail from someone else.. wonder if anyone else has the same feelings as me.. i'll be so excited whenever i receive a personal mail.. =)

oh and my bdae was juz over!!! got two presents! one from mum, and one from sis.. bet they went to get together.. haha.. i knew wad they're gonna give me even before seeing la, cos i hinted i wanted a pair of sandals and perfume!! and i really did get them! columbia sandals and CK perfume!!! thks lots mum and sis!! love ya forever!!! dad dint get me anything, but i know he got lotsa stuff to worry abt, and the fact he sings bdae song for me is gd enuf!! hee.. no prezzies from frens also, so sad.. but to all those who send me greetings, thks for remembering my day... really appreciate it.. haha.. seriously i would rather ppl write me cards with personal message, than to gimme a present with a simple happy birthday.. any present would nt be equal to a message thats written from the heart.. haha.. dats hw i feel..

Quote of the Day:

If u can be what u can be for one day, be the one who can give someone what he can be for another day...

Song of Da Week~!

2005-01-06T07:54:00.000+08:00

"Beautiful Soul"

[Chorus]
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah
You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

*Dear i Dedicate this song to you before i go to army... love you Alot~!*

Army Daze

2005-01-03T08:33:00.000+08:00

army's coming~!!!!!! agrh~!!!!!! dunno wad to get, dunno wad to do, fricking hand still giving me lotsa prob... ah~!!!!! but well, guess army will be a great place to be away from the fuss and hassle of our daily lives.... imagine going slimming centre, without having to pay, but with lotsa vulgarities... hmmm... hahahaha.... how many more days? 4? 3? counting down to 1 where it'll be my last free day with my *laopo* for 3 wks i guess... Will miss u lots dear dear~! anyone can seriously update me on arthritis? cos doc says i'll be getting arthritis earlier than most ppl due to this broken fragment caused by the crack in elbow... sianz... guess its inevitable ah... hopefully with less push-ups, my 'very big' chest will finally grow smaller... hahahahah~! im so bored~!!!!! everyone shud go downloadd snoop dogg and farrell's drop it like its hot, its such a super nice song~! to all my juniors, xiao ming, xiao qiang, zhen ming, zhen qiang and all, train hard alritez? will wan see u all in finals.... hahaha... do me a favour by finishing wad i set out to do 2 yrs ago, dats get into the finals... i'llr est in peace then... heee =P ok, nothing to say... hahahaha.... feel strange toking to myself like dis... will even anyone read this? hahahaha... if u do put a tag and say u've read... wahahhahaha.... im juz so bored eh?

Tribute to all Who's been with me Through Thick and Thin

2004-11-25T08:43:00.000+08:00

I thank you, for all ur effort in making this place a bettter place for me... be it u hate me or u love me, i thank you for making me a better man today, a man i hope to contribute, laughter and joy to all... the song next is dedicated to everyone... there's no hate in me, i dun hate anyone, i learn to love and not dislike, everyone's like everyone, we bleed the same colour, we live in the same world... The song is a tribute to all who knows me, and that no matter wad, stick with me, and i'll be with u all..

"Crash And Burn"

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Another Day nearer to Freedom

2004-11-14T13:19:00.000+08:00

"Only Love"

2 a.m. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough, if we learn to trust

[Chorus]

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our good-bye

Sigh......

2004-11-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

"Two Steps Behind (Acoustic Version)"

Walk away if you want to
it's ok, if you need to
you can run, but you can never hide
From the shadow that's creeping up beside you
There's a magic running through your soul
But you can't have it all

(Whatever you do)
I'll be two steps behind you
(Wherever you go)
and I'll be there to remind you
that it only takes a minute of your precious time
to turn around and I'll be two steps behind.

Take the time
to think about it
Walk the line, you know you just can't fight it
Take a look around and see what you can find
Like the fire that's burning up inside me,
There's a magic running through your soul
But you can't have it all

(Whatever you do)
I'll be two steps behind you
(Wherever you go)
and I'll be there to remind you
that it only takes a minute of your precious time
to turn around and I'll be two steps behind.

There's a magic running through your soul
but you, you can't have it all
(Whatever you do)
I'll be two steps behind you
(wherever you go)
and I'll be there to remind you
that it only takes a minute of your precious time
To turn around and I'll be two steps behind.

Two steps behind
yeah, baby
two steps behind
ohh, sugar
two steps behind

Another day has passed. Another day nearer to the A's

2004-07-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

sigh... today is juz such a bad day... tho it dint really start off that bad... dunno wad to write also... think the ppl in this world will be so much happier if they dun try to read to deep into a person's action or words... i still rem yesterday we asked our gp teacher how we can get her angry and when was the last time she got angry. Her reply shocked us all... She think it has been 10 YEARS since she got angry the last time.. she told us dats bcos she dun try to find out why a person do or say sth... Like when we sleep in class, she doesnt think why we're sleeping... dats sth we shud all learn and do... in dat way, so much unintended quarrels could've been prevented... sigh... maybe dats all i wanna write, dun seem too much in the mood to do anymore things... If love and peace are so strong, why are there pieces of love dat dun belong? why cant true love be the solution to everything? why do we let so many things hinder our sight dat leads to true love? Sigh... I LOVE U~ U, U, U, U, U, U, U, and juz U.....

Quote:
Why shud we try to explain wad we do?
Enemies wont believe wad we say
Friends doesn't need any explanation
and Love will explain it for you.

A day gone is a day well spent

2004-07-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

haha... spend the whole time packing my stuff, the notes inside my cupboard dats gathering lotsa dust already... haha... all the time while U are sleeping lor... most of the time... heee.... another week of skool starting tmr... im so tired... kinda shag already... physically... mentally... hmmm but come to think of it, nvr a day w/o me going 'im so tired'.... hahaha.... gerard, if u see dis blog, life goes on ya? make ur mark in life ok? we as ur 'brothers' will forever be behind u... if u wanna 'hoot' any guys u bu shuang in the clubs... hahaha.... i cant believe the prelims are so near le... im not the least worried still... im so worried... hahaa... (ironic ah) bleah... nothing to write le... im so tired... hahaha... (there i goes again) Juz hope there's love and peace in this world for everyone... let there be no hatred, no rivalry, juz plain old friendships and loves dat will last for eternity... To all my frens out dere, and dat special U, u all make my life, my world and wad i am today... hahaha... all the good part of me, the bad part is bcos of myself... =P

Quote for U:
If my Love for u is an angel,
Let it be ur guardian angel.
Following u everywhere u go,
Behind u wadeva u do.
Giving u all its love and concern,
That's wad my love will do.

PS: Hope U like dis. =P

2004-07-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

hihi... my first post in my blog... officially cos the rest arent posted by me... haha... hmmm wad to say? another boring day has passed, with my usual training and stuff... to hell with badminton la... i cant play for hell's sake le... *sad* but at least it beats going to skool everyday listening to boring ppl teaching boring stuff and scolding boring shit... nothign against the skool... everything against the idiotic teachers... MOST teachers... got some i kinda like tho... haha... u guys are one of the reasons why i pick myself up from bed everyday to put on the uniform and bag and leave house... u DUDES rAWkS~! hahah... u noe who i'm referring to... all the frickin lamers i know... my class and others... not forgetting U too... The PERFECT U... haha... I LOVE U~~~~ *muackz*

hello... hello... hello... hello... hello.. hee... eh... eh... eh... dunno wad to say lehz... eh... To all my bestest best frens out dere, which includes nathan. tan tan, retard chng, lamer chong, spikey chia and quacky quek, stupid hwa san, si kuan, u all................................ SUCKS~!!!!!! hahaha..... =P PS: Nelson Sim rawks~! NElson For Principal~!